30 Minutes That Changed A Family Forever

My story begins with a death. And while that may not sound like the best of introductions to a tale of hope and promise, it is in fact the perfect bookend to a life-changing experience that was made possible for one family.

I had been teaching a ‘Legacy Journaling’ class at an assisted living facility for several months and I offered to take elderly students who have difficulty typing or writing through a mini-Guided Discovery experience. Sam, one of my regulars, was one of the first to take me up on the offer. I drove to the facility the week before Christmas and sat with Sam for 30 short minutes. In our brief time together Sam wanted to focus on sharing the details of his career path. I asked if I could ask a few follow-up questions as he shared so he could also talk about the specific experiences that had shaped his path and the lessons he had learned along the way. He agreed. So I recorded our conversation and burned a CD so that Sam could share his stories with his family.

In January, as I was preparing to leave for the drive over to teach my class, I received a call from the life enrichment director. She apologized for calling so late. There had been a recent death at the home, and the funeral visitation was being held today, so they had decided to cancel my class. It was my student Sam who had died. I was sad when I heard the news – even though you always know that’s a likely possibility when volunteering at an assisted living facility and working with the elderly….it was still very sad for me.

I decided to make the drive and attend the visitation. While I was there, one of the residents of the home (also a student) approached me anxiously. “Have you spoken with Sam’s widow?” the woman asked. No, I have not yet had a chance to share my condolences. I told her.

“You must speak with her,” said the woman eagerly. “She has such amazing story to tell about Sam, and you are a big part of it.”

I waited in the long line and finally was able to talk to Sam’s widow, Joan, with her children standing next to her. She told me that in the final hours of Sam’s life, the entire family was gathered around his bed as Sam lay there with his eyes closed – for several days he had been lying motionless. As they were gathered Joan asked one of her sons if he could try to play the CD of Sam’s short Guided Discovery conversation on his laptop because she had been unable to make it work on their MAC. He brought the computer to his father’s bedside and inserted the audio CD.

This time it worked. A smile appeared on Joan’s face. Sam’s whole family listened as the recorded conversation played – sharing the highlights of his career path, the specific experiences that shaped his path, and the lessons he learned along the way. For 30 minutes Sam’s wife and children sat beside him, holding his hands and listening to him talk on the CD. They were 30 perfect minutes.

When the CD ended, Joan and each of the children thanked Sam for the wonderful gift of the recording. And then, Joan told me, Sam’s eyes opened and he briefly gazed upon the faces of his family. It was as if he had struggled to hold onto his life just long enough to share this last gift, Joan said. And when the gift, at last, was delivered and he knew he sounded okay on the recording (she joke), he was ready to give up the fight. He looked at us for a moment, Joan said, and then he died.

Each child thanked me for the opportunity I provided for their father to share his story – it meant the world to them.

How many parents and grandparents are out there today, waiting and anxious to share their life experiences, lessons, and values with their families? What would be important to you to know the ‘best’ of that person has been preserved in such a way that it will lift up, educate, motivate and guide generations of the family to come?

Without those 30 minutes, Sam would still have been comforted by a loving family as he took his last breath. But neither he nor his family would have benefited from the power of the other comfort, the greater comfort, the enduring, multi-generational comfort of knowing the stories of Sam, their father are documented forever!

A challenge for you as Father's Day is fast approaching…give the gift of time to your father, grandfather, uncle, or someone who inspires you and offer to document their important stories and celebrate their Legacy. And if you have already documented some stories (good for you), take the next step and share them with the rest of the family on Father's Day.