Always Being Right…Is It Worth It?

Last month I was at Exceptional Facilitator’s Training with a world-renowned coach, Doug Carter, learning from the best on the topic of Facilitation and Resolving Upsets…what a powerful event!  This session is the first of the 3-part program called Facilitating Effective Communication & Dynamics.

One of the skills I wanted to enhance was how to successfully facilitate a family meeting when an upset occurs.

Day 2 of the training focused on the concept of BEING RIGHT.   As humans we have the tendency to always want to look good – would you agree with this statement?

And one of the ways to look good is to be right.  Upsets tend to happen in meetings when more than one person is trying to be right at the same time.

Did you know there are 6 ways to be right?

1.   We can declare ourselves right, or
2.   We can declare the other person wrong

3.   We can dominate others, or
4.   We can avoid their domination

5.   We can justify our positions, or
6.   We can invalidate other’s positions

Well, of course looking back on my life I could find my own example for each of these…and wow, does it seem to deflate when the spotlight exposes it and you realize what was really happening during each of those times. 

During an upset one of my roles as a facilitator could be to help family members step back and educate them to provide an understanding of what may be happening at that moment of upset or provide another alternative format for the discussion.

One of my new favorite quotes:  “You don’t get harmony when everyone sings the same note.” – Doug Floyd.

Different perspectives are good and are actually needed in order to come up with a greater result than you could have on your own.   Seek first to understand their perspective by asking clarifying questions.  You don’t always need to be right, but you do always need to be respectful and put the relationship first for the family to stay strong and united.